I got an email two days ago, and I had to read it twice. The first time my eyes kind bugged out of my head as I tried to comprehend what it said and what it meant both literally and conceptually. The second time I read it I just felt nauseous.
From my school:
"... I just wanted to send you a quick e-mail to remind you that registration for Fall 2008 classes is well underway. I know that some of you are still debating whether to stay for the dual degree or not, but it may be wise to register for classes and drop them once you decide. By the end of the week the Dean will be reviewing course enrollments and cancelling sections that have low enrollment. This means that your options will be more limited (or sections will be full) if you wait."
I'm waiting on the results of two classes and it looks like I will be waiting till maybe mid-July. So I did what I felt I needed to do: I complied. But every part of me felt that it was wrong to do, this idea of "being safe" of "preparing for the worst" makes me want to die. It makes me feel like a failure or that I'm planning on failing and for the record, I'm not, I'm not ready to call it quits. I'm not ready to leave France.
I'm ready to stay for a second year, to improve my French and attack that 100 page memoir. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.
Even if I miss so many things about home, Boston and Edwin; I'm just not ready to go back.