Before today I felt indecisive. I had started to unfold my days and weeks of Paris and look at them, one by one. They were spread out to see in my mind's eye, a simple map of how I had spent my last few months in Paris. I had begun to ask myself, querying if I had seen what I wanted, participated enough, and connected with those whom I wanted to connect with. I'm winding down to six weeks left in Paris and I'm was beginning to face the reality of being done and (before today) the possibility of going home, back to Boston and within six months joining the full time workforce.
I started to get nervous. I started to panic. It was upon realizing how much more I wanted to do, and how many more things there were actually to do that I knew (for sure, for sure) that I wanted to stay. Before then I had tittered between the possibility of going home and things being easier, but as the idea of being unable to stay took hold I knew that it was not what I wanted to do. Indeed, it seemed as far away from what I wanted as it could possibly be.
But now I know I'm staying. My classes are passed, and my future more certain. More importantly I know that I have more time, and more time to really get what I want done. This month every weekend seems to be packed and so I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that 12 more months is really only 52 weekends (and less even since school years aren't really 12 months) and however long that sounds it is still so so so short.
Either way, I signed a lease today in a cafe on the Champs Elysees. Amidst the Gucci and Louis Vuitton clad, the tourists, and the shopping I took a risk and signed before I knew that I was even staying. I took a leap of faith and at the end I secured us our apartment.
In a few weeks we will be going to Ikea to furnish the place, we will stock up on mustard, pickles, and sultan beds! It will be AMAZANT!