Saturday, September 27, 2008

I can haz thesis

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School starts on Monday or at least, it starts for me on Monday (I'm a tad bit late on showing up this year).  I'm not going to lie I am a bit nervous about start my senior year as a "4th year" (we don't have senior, junior... in France).

Yesterday, I got my packet for my thesis paper from our school center and I started to feel a bit overwhelmed - as in, AH TOTALLY HAVE TO WRITE THIS. It's pretty scary stuff all together.  But I am feeling pretty comfortable with the idea of doing it; I just need to find a topic. 

I know I want to do something with the Internets, but sometimes it feels hard to have to keep in mind the fact that I will be writing this report in French which is uber bummer, but such is life. 

Possible topics include :
  • The power of user generated content in the business world - as a means for internal and external communication.
  • A exploration of the evolution of corporate communications - what failed, what worked, where are we headed : why?
  • Replacing the mainstream media : the power of blogging, user-generated content.
  • The open classroom : blogging as an educational tool and experience.
  • and many more.
The thing is I haven't read my thesis packet so I need to really do that to make sure I'm headed in the right direction.  I know we have two choices : exploratory research or a sort of corporate study.  I'm not sure which one I will choose yet, but I know I do need to get cracking on thinking about it.

But first I need to do my rapport du stage (coop reflection -bleck). Where I get to beam for 20 pages about Six Apart.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

File this in DO NOT OPEN

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My sisters came to visit me in France and it made me realize how far away I always am.  How they share so many cool moments together.  I hate that I miss the birthdays and that I miss the sing-a-longs at the Drafthouse, and so many other little things. 

It has also made me realize how my memory is short.  My memory is short for the bad things, I am a serial postive thinker or as some would say constantly in denial.  When my sisters were here, we were talking about high school at one point and I said to Courtney with a nonchalant smile, "We got along alright when we were in school, right?" with not so much as even a thought more to our relationship.  And she just looked at me.  Looked at me and said, "Brittany, you made my life a living hell in high school". Slowly it came back to me. Courtney taking the brunt of my parent's attention and getting into trouble because she had a boyfriend, me getting cut slack because my parents were concentrating on Courtney. Courtney telling me she hated me because I had a later curfew than she did. Us not getting along. Not at all like I like to remember.  As it all came back to me I couldn't believe that I placed this in the file DO NOT OPEN part of my mind. 

I find I do this a lot.  In France, a lot of things have been hard, and more frustrating than I had ever imagined. But each time an obstacle arose I was surprised as it wasn't at all the France I remembered.  When I left Lyon the first time, I left most bad memories at the airport.  I was done with those and I guess over the past 5 years I have put it on some sort of pedestal, but a wonderful enchanting pedestal.  That year was beautiful, amazing and life-changing and I am pretty happy to leave it at that.  But then if pressed enough, I remember that I walked on eggshells for an entire year, that I was so afraid of messing up and not being a good exchange student that I made myself the most pleasant human being for one year.  That came with its up and downs. 

A month later, I'm home, and again, I realize how much I file away.

It's feels good to be home, but weird being the only sister at my parent's house/town.  When I plan my visits home I never really think of the consequences of them being there (Austin), and me being here (Pleasanton).  What I look forward to is the being together, that is what I crave when I'm across the ocean, but as we get older and our goals go separate ways, I find us ready to be scattered in a more definite scary kind of way. And it's not something I am usually prepared for. When I visualize home I see us all together, sort of like childhood memories but with a surreal Texan background.  But after I get off the airplane and am picked up by 2 instead of 5, it all becomes real.  We are never going to live in the same city again. It just isn't possible. But I block that out when I leave and every time I get excited for a new trip home, I think of seeing all of them and how wonderful it is, but that's just not really what happens.

And it all comes down to growing up being le suck.